Today wasn't a very interesting day. I did realize today, though, that I have only two weekends left, which is weird to think about. I'm halfway done. I don't know, it's just a weird thought. I don't know...Well, so today we read two stories in Literatura. We played a memory game in conversasion as well as read some poetry. Today was my mom's birthday so she had lunch with her parents, and her daughter picked Oyinna and I up from school. Since she wasn't home, the housekeeper made us lunch. It was pretty good. We had soup that was basically boiled and ground...I can't remember the herb but it was pretty good. As well as rice and meatballs with the hard boiled egg inside again. It was one of our better meals.

I feel weird today when I think about my trip. I feel like I've been here a long time but at the same time I feel like I've only been here a short while. I feel like I have ages to go but at the same time I feel like I'm leaving tomorrow. I don't even know how I'll feel about leaving. I don't know if I should/will feel sad or happy. I mean, I'll miss Cuernavaca, my new friends, the food, Lila, classes but I don't know. At home, I have school, my old friends, Nick, my family, Newman, mi vida all waiting for me. I don't want my trip to be over, but at the same time I'm ready to start next semester. I thought this trip would be different. I thought I would feel different. I thought I would be different. (I mean, the last one's kinda true; I keep drinking Tequila. Not a lot, granted, but certainly more than in the US, jaja.)

I don't know. I thought I would find something here that God wanted me to find. A new insight into myself or the world, but I don't think I have. I mean, at the beach on Saturday, when all the people kept coming up to us trying to sell handmade crafts and cheap clothes and the little boys would sing, I don't know, I realized how many street vendors of all ages who have nothing to display their work I walk past all the time, how many people beg us for money, how many people of all ages try to sell gum for less than $10 pesos so they can get their next meal. Nick has a really great rule where he gives money to every impoverished he passes. My mom does that too. But there are so many! I felt like I was in China again. (I guess it's not that bad, but especially in Acapulco, you can't go anywhere without seeing someone who needs your money) And even then, $10 pesos, $20 pesos, $10,000 pesos wouldn't solve their problems. They would still have to come back the next day and try to sell more necklaces, pots, gum, food, etc. I just feel helpless. I thought seeing the poor would make me feel inspired, but it's sorta done the opposite. What can I do? In order to solve this problem, we would need to change American culture, Mexican politics & social structure, and Mexican culture. How on Earth can that be done? What little piece can I play to help that?

And even if all that does happen and balance is restored socially and economically in Mexico, there's still all of Africa, which is constantly at war, disease, and hunger, and Asian countries. I know we're supposed to focus on our one little piece to fixing a broken world, but I don't know what that piece is, and I have no idea how to find out. I keep reminding myself that I'm just a college student, and I'm still learning, but I feel like I need to do SOMETHING.

I always feel grateful for what I have, and I'm told it's important, but that still doesn't help my neighbors here south of the American border find work with decent wages. My teacher today explained why cops are so easily bribed. They have to pay for their uniforms and everything they use. And then! they don't even get paid well. So they accept bribes to take care of their families which based on the social structure makes sense. I also felt weird last weekend when I did all the museums. The people owned large houses and many beautiful possessions and art, but what does all that matter? I sorta felt like I wasted time, in a way. Yes, the houses and art were all beautiful and historical, and I learned a lot about Frida Khalo and that other lady and Diego Rivera. But what about them makes them so famous? What about them makes them so historical? What about them makes them so important? Frida Khalo was a wonderful woman. She was a talented artist who lead a very difficult life physically and emotionally and is a beautiful role model for women. But what about the woman in El Centro right here in Cuernavaca who struggles financially, emotionally, and physically every day and still can't feed her family 3 meals a day? Who can't every afford gifts for her children? Who can barely put a roof over their heads? What about the young girl trying to sell me jewelery who may not eat that night, who may not live in a proper home? Aren't they remarkable women? (or grow up to become remarkable women, at least) Aren't their stories worth telling as well? How important can the life of Diego Rivera really be if these lives aren't valuable?

I don't know. Either way, this trip hasn't been quite as I expected. I don't feel different. I at least don't think I'm different. I live in a nice home with hot water, 3 meals a day, I can go out at night and on the weekends, I'm being educated, I'm so well blessed to be here and to have all that I do. I don't know. Just something about this trip isn't as I expected. I guess everything is different: my family, school, classmates, roommate, friends, this city, this country, the food, everything! It's not different in neither a good nor bad way, just different and I don't know how to interpret this world as I'm living it and as I see it.